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His Best Thing Pt 1

August 9, 2009

While rap music is often a source of embarresment and disrespect towards the female gender, occasionally there are rare gems amongst the mysoginistic fray. While Gucci Mane chants “Beat her like a dog” his much more talented and sophisticated peer Jay Z did an intro for a song on Usher’s last album entitled “The Best Thing.” If you haven’t heard the record, basically Usher and Jay Z team up to talk about how their new brides are the best thing that ever happened to them. In Usher’s case….well never mind. There is a line in Jay Z’s intro that fascinates me. “Wrapped around all girls like pashminas, back then was my demeanor, the grass is always greener, I couldn’t give a f*ck, how could I give a finger?”

It’s a very simple line, but don’t miss its depth. “Back then I didn’t give a f*ck, how could I give a finger (in marriage)?” When I was a little girl my mother would always tell me, “Christal listen to what a man says. Watch his actions, pay attention. You’ll learn everything you need to know.” I dismissed her intensity, thinking she was just being dramatic and trying to scare me out of being in a relationship. Afterall, of course I would listen and watch. What else could I do, right? Wrong! Women don’t listen. There I said it. We don’t.

I can’t tell you how many conversations I’ve had with friends where one of us will recite what a man said and then challenge the others to decode what he means. Madness I know, but when we’re talking it all makes sense. Nine times out of ten, no matter what grouping of words come out of the man’s mouth, your best girlfried will come up with an explanation that usually equals him being afraid of his feelings for you and insisting that you stick around to show him that they two of you ultimately belong together. I’m ashamed to admit that I’ve listened and even participated in these decoding operations. What does one do when a man’s actions don’t match his words? He says he likes me, but he never calls. He doesn’t actually say he loves me, but we’ve been seeing each other for two years, I can tell by the way he looks at me that he loves me. I mean why would he keep seeing me if he didn’t have real feelings for me? Sound familiar? Of course. If there is estrogen coursing through your veins you’ve had a thought somewhat close to this run through your brain at some time. Well I for one have decided to wake up. Jay Z was almost clairvoyant. If a man doesn’t give a f*ck, how could he possibly give you a “finger” or in essence his heart?

Now let me clarify something. By saying not give a f*ck, I’m not speaking about men who are cruel or abusive. I’m talking about that nice guy who you hang out with that simply won’t go the extra mile when it comes to you. If you bring up marriage, suddenly he’s nervous. If you want to talk about defining the relationship he gets antsy. If you tell him that you see the two of you being together for an eternity, he smiles at you but doesn’t respond. He may like you for the moment but in the scheme of things, he doesn’t give a f*ck. So if you were to walk out of his life today, his life wouldn’t change all that much. For example, one of my best friends is a thirty eight year old man. Today he forwarded me a text from a young woman who was irritated with the fact that he wouldn’t take her out on a formal date. When they first met, she instructed him on all the things she wanted from a man. He listened and humored her for awhile, but had no intentions of doing any of the things she asked for. He was content to stay on the ride as long as the ride was smooth and he didn’t have to put to much effort into keeping the car coasting. After a short period of dating, she realized that effort in the relationship was painfully one-sided. She wised up and her response was to fire off an angry sistergirl text telling him she was through with him, after she reminded him how sexy she was. He laughed at the text and sent it to me and we laughed together.

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